I'm not okay
by VampireShot14
Summary: Robin and Wally have a fight after a mission goes south and everything builds on Robin and he just can't cope with it. Rated T because of Self Harm and attempted suicide! You have been warned. Barbra and Dick Paring.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:  
**

**Robin's POV**

It all started with one _simple_ mission; I made a _slight_ mistake and the bad guys got away. It wasn't really my fault, at least. I'd only had _three hours_ of sleep in the past week! That didn't stop me from feeling incredibly guilty though, and I still blamed myself for our failure.

Wally seemed to agree.

"What is wrong with you?!" Wally had screamed, putting me in the spotlight. I couldn't answer.

"I…I…" I stumbled. "I'm sorry…"

"Wally, don't blame this on Robin," Kaldur said in my defence, and I internally thanked him, but it still had _technically _been my fault...

"No don't," I say. "It was my fault. I wanted to push myself by patrolling more with Batman." I rub my arm, feeling ant-sized compared to my team.

"Don't worry Robin," said Megan, flying next to me and putting a hand on my shoulder. "We will catch them another day." I nudged her hand off my shoulder.

"You don't understand," I muttered under my breath when I probably should have just kept silent.

"That's the thing!" Wally shouted in anger. "There's so much we don't know about you, and you know loads about us, Rob! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of you and your secrets!"

Everyone gasps except me. I knew this day would come. I knew Wally would turn, someday. Doesn't he know that I'm sick of my secrets, too? So many times I've wished I could tell him everything, but I haven't. Because I don't want any of them to be in danger because of me; because of my idiocy to secrecy.

"Wally… you don't mean that, do you?" Artemis says.

"Sure as hell I do!" He says back, his hands clenched into fists.

"Wally, how long have you known Robin?" Askes Connor. Why are they defending me? If Wally doesn't want to be my friend then let him. His loss, right? Besides, I've known all along that a friendship couldn't be sustained by one-sided trust. Who was I to know all his secrets, only for him not to know mine? We'd never really been _that _close of friends anyways; because he could never really know the real _me._

"Guys stop defending me; if he means it then that's fine with me. We can always talk about it later. Can we just get back to the cave? It's been a long night." I walk to the bio ship and everyone follows me silently. Wally trails behind, muttering under his breath.

The ride was excruciatingly painful. I could feel the team staring at me the whole way back to Happy Harbour. I could have screamed! But I didn't. I kept my cool.

As I looked out the window I could see the reflection of the team staring at each other in odd patterns, as if they were having a conversation. Of course they were! Megan is freaking telepathic for goodness sake! I paid more attention and I could see them make gestures with their eyes, trying not to give away that they were talking, but the way they would look at me once in a while suggested that they were definitely talking about me.

Suddenly Wally raised his arms above his head and sighed. "Fine!" He said before getting up and walking my way. I pretended not to notice. "Robin?" He asked as he put his hand on my shoulder, and I flinched. Everyone must have saw that. I could have jumped a mile high and they wouldn't have noticed it any less!

Wally pretended he hadn't noticed. "I'm sorry for what I said." I could hear it in his tone; he didn't mean it.

"Its fine," I say honestly. "We all know it's what you really think."

"I only think it because of all the lies and secrecy!" He replies.

"Lies?!" I ask, raising from my seat. "What lies?!"

"About who you are!" He shouts back.

"They're called secrets, Dumb-Ass!"

"_Secrets_, _lies_; same difference!" He shouts back, now raging in my personal space. I refuse to lean back at all.

"Yes, but only in certain situations, depending on the way and purpose in which you tell them," I say calmly.

"It's all still lying!" He shouts. I can feel his breath on my face.

"Yeah, and do you know why I keep my identity hidden?" Raising my voice just barely over normal.

"Because of Batman; we know!"

"No, you idiot!" I shout, then regain myself. "It's because of how ashamed of my past I am. How defenceless I used to be. What I've lost; what I've _felt_." My voice breaks at the end of it. Everyone is in stunned silence.

"We're coming into Happy Harbour," says Megan. Her voice is close to a whisper.

"Good; I can't wait to get away from some certain loser," says Wally as he walks back to his seat. Tears start to form in the corners of my eyes, but I blink them away.

My best friend in the whole world turns on me because I am trying to protect him… Doesn't he understand? Batman is one of the big heroes in the league, and any villain would be prepared to _kill_ in order to get our identities! The same doesn't happen for Leaguers like Flash, or Superman, who don't live in cities with complete psychopaths. Wally just doesn't know what it's like…

I sit back down quietly until, finally, the Bio-Ship comes into land in the cave's hanger. The door opens and I stand to go out. I take a step forward and am suddenly knocked back into my seat by Wally storming past me.

"Wally!" I hear Artemis shout after him. She walks up to me. "What's with him today?" She asks as she holds out a hand to help me back up. I take her hand and she pulls me up. "He'll come to his senses; don't worry," she says with a small smile. I don't return it.

"I don't care even if he does. Maybe I'm sick of him, too!" I say, then I walk out of the bio ship and straight into Batman's view. He _really _doesn't look happy. _Great…_

"Team debriefing in five minutes," he says before turning and heading to the missions room. All I could think was _'Shit, shit, shit! I'm so screwed!'_

I retreat to my room and change into something more comfortable. My black skinny jeans, my black top, red hoodie, black jacket, and my black converse. I slip off my mask and head to the bathroom. I turn the tap on and let the cold water flow for a moment. I cup my hands under the water and splash some on my face. I put my hands on either side of the sink and look in the mirror. I don't think I recognise myself anymore. I hear shouting in the room next to me. Wally's room. It sounded like Artemis and Kaldur talking whilst Wally was shouting. I decided put my sun glasses on and go out into the corridor.

To my surprise, Batman was walking down the corridor and you could hear Wally's shouts as clear as day. Batman stopped once he saw me. He was going to say something, but I suppose he decided against it when he heard Wally…

"I hate him!"

I was going to say something, but he raised a hand that told me to be quiet. He walked towards Wally's door and somehow, out of instinct I followed. You could hear Kaldur's calm voice and Artemis's stern one.

"How can you say all that?" Asks Artemis.

"Because he's a twat!" Wally shouts.

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Kaldur asks.

"No!" Wally shouts. "He lies all the time!"

"Is this about his identity?" Kaldur asks calmly.

"It's everything about him!" Wally shouts back.

"I think we need to go back to the mission's room," says Artemis.

"Yes, I agree with Artemis. We need to debrief the mission."

"Ha! And I bet bats won't care about Robin screwing up!" He shouts as Artemis opens his door and looks out at us. "Why wouldn't he? He's Batman's brat. Wish he would just leave! Permanently!" Of course, what I heard was more along the lines of _"I wish he would just die." _I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought as much, and it was likely what he meant…

I wasn't sticking around for this. I turned on my heel and went back to my room. I slammed the door shut behind me. Does he really think that? That just because I'm Batman's protégé I get let off lightly? I don't; he may not punish me when I'm in the mountain, but he does when we get back to the Bat-Cave. He pulls me from patrol, pushes me harder in training... It's for my own good. I know what punishments I'll face, but they don't know.

I heard people walk past my door, heading to the missions room to get debriefed. I punch the wall next to me and create a small dent. I feel blood run down my fingers. '_Shit_.' I walk to my bathroom and run my hand under the sink. The blood immediately stains the water red as I let it run over my knuckles. When the blood stops running I turn the tap off and dry my hands. I exit my room and head to the mission's room.

When I get there, there is only Batman and Kaldur talking quietly. About the mission or about me? Kaldur nods and walks away from Batman, towards the kitchen. Batman looks up at me.

"Let's go home," he said. I walked up to him and he put a hand on my shoulder. We walked towards the zeta beam. He hadn't punished me yet, but I knew he would soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer – I don't own YJ!  
…**

…

…

Chapter 2:

We arrived at the cave and Alfred greeted us. Batman removed his cowl and set it on the table next to our zeta beam.

I walked up the stairs trying not to focus on Wally's words. I wasn't concentrating and as I took my glasses off tripped up the stairs and fell.

I landed on the step with an "oof". I lay there for a moment. Trying to asses if I had damaged myself. I heard Bruce walk to me. He sat down next to me.  
"You ok dickey bird?" he asked.  
"Yea," I say coolly trying to act normal "I meant to do that."  
"Yea ok," he said in disbelief. He picked me up off and set me back down on my feet. "I think some sleep is needed."  
"I agree, Master Dick hasn't been himself lately." Said the English butler to Bruce.  
"I'm here you know al, and I don't need sleep I'm fine."  
"there are some things I need to take care of tonight dick, maybe tomorrow" he pats me on the back before retreating to the bat-computer. Wait, what? Tomorrow? Great!  
"Yea Bruce, sure" I say before walking up the stairs and out of the bat-cave.

The manor is dark and lonely. Shame really. I walk down the lonely corridor Wally's word still echoing through my head. As I walked up the stair case one phrase keeps coming to mind. 'Wish he would just die'

I enter my room and lock the door behind me. I press my back against the door and slide down the door until in sat on the floor with my knees to my chest. I rest my head on my knees and raise my hands over my head.

_Shut up! Shut up! _But it won't stop. I've had this before the first time I fought joker, but this time is worse, it feels worse.  
"Stop" I whisper "Please just stop"

A knock on the door snaps me from my thoughts.  
"Master Dick?" says an English voice. "Do you need anything before I go to bed?" I look at my clock. 10:57PM. I was down on the floor for half an hour!  
"Erm…" I stammer "No thanks Alfred I'm good."  
"Very well then Master Dick, Sleep well" he says back.  
"Night Alfie" I say as I press my ear to the door to make sure he's gone before giving out a long sigh.

I didn't notice before but tears had started to form in my eye and were ready to fall. I got up and walked over to my parent's picture. Wally didn't know I lost my parents, he thinks Bruce is my dad. I sat on the chair in front of the picture. The fire was lit underneath. I lifted the blanket up and slipped under it. I took my shoes off and tucked my legs under myself. I stared up at my parents as Wally's words were being shouted at me. Tears began to stream down my face and they wouldn't stop. I rested my head on the arm of the chair and hoped it would stop soon.

…

…

…

_I'm in a dark room. On my own. Wally's voice had ceased, and my mind was clear. The chair I was sat on was an uncomfortable wood. I attempted to move but it was as if I was made of cement. I couldn't move. Artemis was walking towards me out of the shadows.  
"Artemis? Oh good, can you help me?" I ask her.  
"Help you, why would I help you?" she asks now walking around my chair.  
"What? Artemis were a team." I say  
"A team?" she says "Teams don't keep secrets, teams share."  
"You had Secrets" I say.  
"Yes but she shared them" Kaldur came out of the darkness.  
"I can't!" I shouted.  
"We got the memo off batman" Connor came out of the shadows.  
"Guys what's wrong?" I ask them  
"What's wrong is you!" Megan came out of the shadows.  
"You guys don't think that, Do you?" I ask tears once again forming in my eyes.  
"We all think that," Says Wally "You're a waste." He circles me as the other stand around in a circle watching him.  
"I'm not!" I fight back.  
"Ha! Keep telling yourself that!" he shouts in my face. "You're only the way you are from batman!"  
"Oh yea," I say "Then how did you come around!"  
"My own experiment gone right!" he shouts back "But I wouldn't expect you to know Mr. I keep secrets from my best friends!"  
"I… I…" I stammered somehow he got to me. I can handle joker and dent but Wally. I can't, what's the point in trying?  
"See you're pathetic! A pathetic child" Wally says standing in front of me. _I'm not a child! _I scream in my mind. He bends down to my height. "And you know the best thing!" he says. "My mentor accepts me whatever. And you, ha, you have to prove yourself to him"_

"_Pathetic"  
"loser"  
"weakling"  
"Human"  
"show off"  
_

_Their words wouldn't stop. They kept echoing through my mind. Everyone vanished but their voices were still there. Suddenly, the chair and floor vanished and I was falling into an endless oblivion. _

"_No!" I screamed as I feel endlessly. _

…

…

…

"Dick! Dick wake up!"

I bolted up right my breath coming out in pants, tears streaming down my face and my hair covered in cold sweat. It took me a moment to realise where I was. I was still in my room but I was on the floor close to the fire. Bruce had his hand on my shoulder. I looked up to him and gave him a brave look but then I couldn't control myself and I burst into tears. Brice pulled me into a protective hug. I cried into his chest and clung onto his top like my life depended on it.  
"Do you want to sleep in my room?" he asks gently into my ear. I nod as I sob into his chest.

He picks me up and carries me out of the hall and down to his room. Why do Wally's worlds hurt me so much? He carries me over to the big bed in the middle of the room. He sets me down on the bed.

He goes over to his wardrobe and pulls out a polo-shirt. He walks back over to me and helps me out of my hoodie and jeans. He lifted my top off and replaced it with his soft polo-shirt.

We used to do this when I was 9. I had first got here and cried every night. Bruce's room was the only place I could get sleep at night well, until Bruce taught me to handle my feelings. But sometimes it gets too much even for Bruce.

I crawled up the bed and under the covers. Normally Bruce would get in with me but he has some Wayne enterprise's stuff that needs to be finalized by morning.

I put my head to the pillow and closed my eyes. Dream Wally's wrong, Bruce accepts me for who I am. I don't need to prove anything.

I fall asleep within minutes. Not caring about what Wally said in my dream. It still hurt, but it didn't hurt as much.

…

…

…

**A/N:**

**I love it when Bruce is like this. And I didn't want him to come across perverted in this chap by the way. **

**R&amp;R PLEASE XX**

**~~VS13~~ **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

I woke in the morning to the sun blazing through the window. Sometimes I hate summer. I turned over pulling the covers over my head. Shit! It's a Monday! I leap out of bed and out of the door. I run into my room and grab my mobile from my desk. 11am?! I walk over to my dresser and pull out a fresh set of clothes. My usual, black jeans, red hoodie and jacket. Once I'm dressed I head out of my door and down the stairs. I walk into the kitchen and I'm greeted by Alfred and Bruce.  
"Did you sleep okay?" Bruce askes after taking a sip of his coffee.  
"Yeah thanks," I say taking a seat opposite Bruce at the table. "Sorry about last night"  
"Don't worry about it," he says. His face changes into worry. "What was wrong last night."  
"Oh it was just one of those nights" I say trying to sound like it wasn't a big deal.  
"Ok." He says "Oh and I phoned school and told them you were ill. You didn't wake up so I left you to sleep"  
"Thanks" I say as Alfred places a mug in front of me.  
"Coffee master Dick?" he asks  
"Erm yes please Alfie" I say. He pours me some coffee in my mug. I watched as the brown liquid filled the cup almost to the brim.  
"I was thinking," Bruce said putting down his newspaper "As you are not at school, you can come to the mountain with me and work at the case we lost the other night" my eyes widened at the mention of my failure.  
"Yea," I say rubbing the back of my neck. "Sorry about that"  
"Don't worry," he says honestly "Everyone has a bad day. And you don't need to tell me what happened that day straight away, just talk to me when you're ready."  
"Ok Bruce," I say downing my whole mug of coffee "When do we leave?"  
"Now if you want" he replies.  
"Yes!" I say jumping from the table like a 5 year old at Christmas. I ran down the corridor to the old grandfather clock. I pulled down a wire in the back and it slid open. I ran down the stairs into the bat cave and straight to the changing room. I ran to my side and changed into my Robin uniform.

When I came out Alfred and Bruce were walking down the stairs. I stared up at them and gave my signature laugh.  
"Someone's better" Bruce said walking into the changing room.  
"I feel better!" I say.

Once Bruce is ready we zeta beam to the mountain. When we are at the mountain we are greeted by Megan, Kaldur and Conner.  
"Hey Guys!" I say then suddenly I remember my dream. I hear their voices in my mind. _Pathetic, loser, liar, weakling, human.  
_"Robin?" says Kaldur. "Are you alright?"  
"Yes Kaldur I'm fine, thank you" I say as I follow batman to the middle of the mission's room where he pulls up multiple holo-grams. I walked up to him and started pulling up more holo-grams to read the evidence.  
"Do you need any help?" asks Megan  
"No" batman says.  
"But thanks for asking," I immediately say. "Just take the day off"  
"Okay if you say so" Conner said as they all walked towards the kitchen.

Batman and I work on the case for a while. Until the zeta beam lights up and announces the one person I didn't want to see right now.

Wally.

Wally walks out of the zeta beam and stops when he sees me. Batman went to talk to black canary about the case as he wanted her to talk to Oliver to find someone who is staying in Starling city.  
"Look who it is!" he says walking towards me. "The Boy liar!"  
"Go away wally," I say with a sigh "Me and bats are working a case and we don't need any interruptions."  
"Oh yeah," he says "Whose fault is it for losing the case? Huh? Yours." He begins to circle me. I can't let this happen again.  
"Stop" I say putting my arms out and holding him in one spot.  
"Who gave you permission to touch me, liar"  
"I'm Not a liar!" I protest.  
"Oh yea why lie to us about who you are."  
"I'm not lying," I say "I just haven't told you"  
"You're pathetic," he says walking slowly toward the kitchen. That hurt, I'm not pathetic. "And you know what? I wish that you would just leave and it'd be even better if you just… DIED!"

Batman comes back just after Wally leaves. My face had lost all colour.  
"Robin? Are you ok?" Batman asks me walking up to me.  
"Yea," I say then I feel really dizzy. "I just need to sit down." I sink to the floor. Batman kneels next to me.  
"Do you want to go home?" he asks  
"No," I say quickly. "I'll be fine"

Kaldur walks in the mission's room with Artemis. They take one look at me and run straight towards me.  
"What's wrong?" Kaldur asks.  
"Nothing," batman says "He'll be fine. Artemis can you get a glass of water?"  
"Yea sure." She says standing and going to the kitchen.  
"Kaldur can you go to the infirmary and get a blood test kit?"  
"Yes batman" he says. He stands and runs to the infirmary. I don't need this.  
"Batman I'm fine," she says "Really I don't need a blood test."  
"Yeah," he says "First go to med school then tell me it's nothing."  
"But…"  
"We have to be sure."  
Artemis returns with a quarter filled glass of water. She hands it to batman and batman hands it to me.

The glass is cool in my hand and I go to take a sip but my hand starts shaking and I almost drop the glass if Bat's didn't put his hands over mine. He lifts the glass to my lips and take a sip. He lowers the glass just in time to see kaldur return with a blood analysis kit.

Once batman takes my blood he instructs Artemis to take me to the kitchen to eat something. As much to my refusal batman forces me to the kitchen.

Miss way to the kitchen Artemis stops us.  
"What's going on with you?" She questions  
"Nothing." I answered back and she scoffed.  
"Robin," She says looking me in the eye. "Really what's going on" I have no choice. I'll have to lie my way out of this.  
"Joker poison," I say. "Unidentified and very weird poison."  
"OK," she said as we re-made our way to the kitchen. "Is that why you act weird around wally?"  
"No," I say honestly. "It's his fault, he started it"  
"Ok." She says as we reach the kitchen.

I feel the blood drain from my face. Wally stares at me. Kaldur walks up behind us and Wally snaps out of his stare.  
"Batman said you know what's wrong and to drink plenty of water." He said before sitting down. When batman says something like that he means say anything to them, then tell them the truth.  
"What's up?" Conner asks.  
"Joker poisoned me," I say sitting down on the counter "we don't know what exactly but I keep having moments. We don't know if it will kill me." wrong thing to say.  
"Hopefully it does." Mutters Wally under his breath. I feel myself shake again.  
"Robin?" Megan asks. Artemis is quick to react and makes me a glass of water. She goes to hand it to me but my arms go numb. She lifts the glass up to my lips and I fake a sip. I don't care anymore what happens to me. My best friend wants me dead. Everything begins to spin and the edges of my vision fade until all I see is darkness.

…

…

…

**A/N:**

**I know robin is stronger than this but what really gets to someone is their friendship. When a friend abandons you it can cut like a knife. My friend lost her friends in the space of three days. It hurt a lot. **

**Hope you like this chapter. **

**Please R&amp;R XX**

**~~VS13~~**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

I wake up with people sitting round me. The light was dim through my sunglasses. I'm on a soft surface. The room is white and I don't like everyone staring at me. I know it isn't but I can't help but feel they are giving me looks of disappointment. In my mind I imagine those saying things to me.  
"Weak human" from Megan and Conner.  
"Pathetic" from Artemis and Kadar  
"Why don't you just die if your this pathetic and weak?" from Wally.

Everyone looks avert to the door when it opens and batman walks through. He nods to everyone as he walks to the end of my bed. Everyone exits the door except Wally. He scoffs and mimes "Bat brat" to me.

When the door closes batman removes his cowl and I remove my glasses.  
"Dick," he says giving me a worried look. "What's going on?" I have to lie to him. If he knows about how weak I am being now… the look he'll give me… the stare.  
"I just haven't been sleeping well this week." Lie but my eyes are covered as tears prick the sides of my eyes.  
"Ok," he says. "What did you tell the team?"  
"I told them joker poisoned me with some drug." I say as he nods.  
"Good cover up" he says as he slips his cowl back on. _I learn from the best _I think as I give him a small smile.  
"I'll just be a few minutes," he says standing up "Then we can go home. I nod then sink into my pillows.  
"Don't let anyone in." I say before he reaches the door.  
"I won't." Batman exits the room and tears stream down my face as I fall into a fitful sleep

…

…

…

_Pitch black, all around me is pitch black. Then four figures walk out the shadows and into four sets of spotlights. There was one spotlight left in the middle. The figures are wearing cloaks with long hoods to cover their faces. _

_One figure stepped forward and removed their hood. Artemis? I couldn't speak. _

"_I thought that not being the only human on the team was great. That with batman's protégé we humans would outweigh the others. I guess I was wrong. You're a disappointment. Do you see what you've done? You've made us look weak, I now look weak because of you, because you can't act tough anymore. No wonder batman's so protective of you, you can't handle yourself." She finished as Megan stepped forward. _

"_Humans, I thought they were better than this, stronger than this. I guess not. At first you acted so tough like a leader, but I guess even the strongest people become weak." She finished and Conner stepped forward. _

"_I thought you were supposed to be experienced, faced off against the biggest criminals in the world. Maybe it was all the bat, maybe you're not as big as you make out." He finishes and Aqualad steps out. _

"_I relied on your experience to help on the missions we were on. No wonder why they all failed. I trusted your expertise to get the mission done but I guess trusting a thirteen year old kid can't happen anymore." He finished and they all spoke out as one. _

"_You're just a pathetic human"_

_Wally stepped out of the shadows. "Well, well, well, look what the bat dragged in. I shouldn't waste my time explaining how pathetic you are but I'm going to do it anyway. You were supposed to be my best pal but I don't need a weakling of a human to slow me down. I have powers, you don't. You may be fast but not as fast as me. Pathetic human." _

_Each said one last word.  
"Pathetic"  
"Human"  
"un-experienced"  
"Juvenile" _

_Wally was the last to speak and by this time tears streamed down my face. _

"_Why won't you die, rob? No one wants you here"_

…

…

…

I wake up drenched in cold sweat. Tears streamed down my face. Im in my room at wayne mannor. Bruce myst have moved me in jy sleep. The clock on my bed side table reads 3:23. I shakily got out of my bed and walked over to my bathroom.

I walked up the sink and turned on the cold tap. Watching the water flow made me think of how easy it would be if I was so small the water could wash me away from my problems.

I cup my hands under the water and splash it on my face. I look in the mirror and instantly didn't recognise who was staring back at me.

I saw the glint of my razor blade on the shelf behind me. I turn around and grab the razor blade. I disconnect the blades from the handle and drop the blades to the floor. I step on the blades snapping the individual blades from their holder. I pick up the shattered plastic and three blades. I walk into my room and put the plastic in my bin. I put two of the three blades in the secret compartment in my draw Bruce doesn't know about.

I take my top off and throw it on my bed. I walk back into the bathroom and close the door. I shut the light off and slid down to the floor. The darkness is soothing but not enough for it all to go away.

I raise the blade to my shoulder and let the sharp blade pierce my skin. I dragged it along the top of my shoulder. I felt the pain as the blade cut deep into my skin. The pain soothed my body as I felt the hot liquid seep out of my shoulder. I continue to cut long deep gashes along my shoulder until my shoulder was covered with 3 long cuts.

I go to the sink and wash the blood off of the blade and place it under my tooth brush mug. I let the blood flow down my arm until it reached my wrist. I run the water and grab my wash cloth from the radiator. I let the water run over the cloth then I was the blood from my arm.

I stand in the bathroom until my cuts turn into scabs and the blood is cleaned from my arm. I would have preferred for it to stay on but I can't have Bruce seeing them.

I get my top back on and climb back into my bed. I snuggle under the covers and feel completely better.

I fall asleep without any nightmares and thoughts about Wally.

…

…

…

**A/N:**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry it was a bit depressing. **

**PLEASE R&amp;R XX**

**~~VS13~~**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

…

…

…

I wake in the morning feeling much better by far. I stretch out over my bed and yawn blinking the sleep out of my eyes. I reach over to my bedside table and switch my phone on. 5:08.

I get out of bed and walk over to my dresser. I pull out my school uniform from my dresser and carry them into the bathroom. I switch the shower on and undress myself. I must peel my t-shirt from my shoulder as the blood had made it stick to it. You can no longer see the individual lines I made on my shoulder anymore; just a red and black bloody mess, _literally._ I get into the shower and let the hot water run over my body.

After my shower I dry myself being careful not to open my scabs and get dressed. I dry my hair with my towel so it is only partly wet and walk back into my bedroom. My hair will dry. I look at myself in my full body mirror. My school uniform turning me from Robin to Dick Grayson. My shirt, red tie and trousers seem to always suit me a little. The red tie really brings out my pale complexion. I walk down stares as this is the usual time I am up and so are Bruce and Alfred.

I walk into the kitchen doorway and as usual there is Bruce and Alfred. Bruce reading his newspaper with a cup of coffee in hand. Alfred is washing some dishes while the radio plays in the background. I stand there for a few minutes watching them. Smiling to myself I think of how lucky I am to

I walk in and sit down. Bruce gives me a weird look. I smile at him as I pinch a piece of toast from his plate and take a bite out of it. I used to do this after I was ill to kind of tell him I was better.  
"Some ones better" He says with a smile. I like it when Bruce smiles. I see the brighter side of him.  
"I am." I say smiling back at him but my smile quickly dims as I remember the three long cuts on my shoulder. Bruce looks at me and his smile dims also.  
"What's up?" he asks me leaning closer to me.  
"Nothing," I lie.  
"Okay," Bruce says lifting his newspaper back up. "As long as you're sure."  
"Yeah" I say. Bruce looks at his watch.  
"It's only 5:15," He says "You've still got time to revise"  
"Okay," I say "Yea" I go to get up but Alfred stops me.  
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and you will eat some." I sigh and sit back down.  
"Just toast please Al," I say "I'm not that hungry."

Alfred nods and severs me a piece of toast that was buttered and cut into 2 triangles. I eat the toast thinking about my lie to Bruce. _Maybe Wally was right, _I thought, _I am a liar._

After breakfast I got to the library to study. I sit at the desk in the middle of the room and pull out my phone. I didn't realise before but I have 2 texts. Barbra.

Shit I was supposed to text her last night about the test today but I don't need to revise I'm an A* already.

I read the text:

_Hey D, TEST TODAY! FREAKING OUT! You were supposed to text me last night or were you too busy with you new friends on the league to think about me? Huh? Text me when you get this, please xxx_

Shit. I don't want to read the next one. And I may not even be on the team anymore. No one wants me there. I read the next one anyway.

_Sorry for the text earlier D, Stress. Not good for me in the morning or any part of the day really. I'm glad you have the friends you do and especially with your job. Just text me when you're up xxx_

What do I text her back. Things to revise? That it's ok? About what's going on? About my cuts?

_Hey Babs, Just revise everything in your books and I may not be on the team anymore. Something happened I'll explain later. Meet me at the bus stop at 7. I'll tell Alfie I wanna walk. C ya x_

It seems Barbra is my only friend. The red headed police commissioner's daughter is my only friend compared to the supposed team I am on.

It's just coming up to 6 o'clock when Bruce shouts to me that he's going to work. I shout back bye and I hear him say to Alfred that is he's late for dinner don't wait up.

Moments later Alfred comes into the study.  
"Master Dick, will I be taking you to school today?"  
"No Alfred, I said to Barbra I'll meet her at 7."  
"Very well Master Dick" He turns to leave.  
"Alfred."  
"Yes Master Dick" he says turning back to face me.  
"Could I go into town after school?"  
"Well master Bruce won't be home until dinner so yes."  
"Thanks."

He leaves the room and I receive a text from Barbra.

_Can we meet at half 6 I could do with some help revising and what's gone on with the team, does Bruce know? Xxx_

I Text back:

_No he doesn't and I don't want him to ill explain later and if you want we can meet now I'm not doing anything and Bruce has gone work already. X_

_After a few moments I get a reply: _

_Yea sure meet me at the bus stop near Main Park square. C ya in a bit D. _

I send back a smiley face so she knows I've got it.

Talking to Barbra may help me shed some light to the darkness and also give me some reassurance to who my true friends are.

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**A/N:**

**Hope you guys liked this chapter **

**~~VS13 OUT~~**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

I wait at the Main Park square bus stop for Barbra. I normally meet her every Friday and we stay out late in town after school. Her dad lets her and if it's late she stays at the mansion. She knows about me and Bruce, about batman and robin, that's what made it so great. When I have a problem, I can always go to Barbra for help and advice.

She worries about me a lot but I can understand that; I have a dangerous job to say the least. She isn't only trying to look out for me, and I appreciate that.

I sit down on a park bench near to the bus stop. The streets were calm, they were always calm until half an hour before school starts. Where's Barbra; She's late, she never normally is. I won't go looking for her, she may be on her way.

Memories of last night keep playing back in my mind, how I cut myself, how I felt so bad as to hurt myself. If Bruce finds out he will kill me. He would do more than kill me, he'd strip me of my Robin status. Why would he want to work with a kid that hurts themselves?

I reach under my blazer and up my sleeve and carefully run my fingers over my cuts. Why have I let Wally's word get to me? He's my best friend, why would he…

"Dick!" My thoughts are shattered into a million pieces as a familiar voice shouts me. I turn to see Barbra walking towards me she smiles at me. She approaches the bench and sits down.  
"Hey babe." She says as she kisses me on the cheek.  
"Hey." I say back. Her face turns from happy to a serious face.  
"So," she says. "What's going on with the team?"  
"Well…" I say looking away from her. She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.  
"Dick, I'm here for you. You don't need to tell me until you're ready." She says honestly. "I won't tell anyone, not Bruce, not Alfred, not the team." I look back into her eyes.  
"A Mission we were on… went wrong. I was to blame. Kid Flash… he said some stuff to me-"  
"What kind of stuff?" she says fast, her voice has a hint of anger in it. She knows I get bullied at school enough without the team doing it too.  
"Just that I was a liar about my identity and he's sick of me."  
"Oh…" Barbra says sympathetically.  
"I keep having these dreams. Kid Flash and all of the team tell me I'm worthless, pathetic annoying and it's getting to me. KF Evan said I should die." By this point tears filled my eyes. I can't look Barbra in the eye anymore. I turn away and blink the tears from my eyes.  
"Don't worry Dick, you have me, Bruce and Alfred. You don't need them."  
I nod slowly.  
"Come on we'd better make our way to school."

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**Sorry its short **

**~~VS14 OUT~~**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:**

**So I am currently on a school break before I move from year 9 to year 10. (My school is different from other UK schools, we move up a term early) and I thought I could get as much of this story done before GCSE's start. A Review response at the end of the chap that I thought was the best review so far. **

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The walk to school was fairly quiet. Barbra was quietly holding my hand whilst she walked slower than usual. Luckily we has a fair amount of time to get to school. Maybe I shouldn't have told her about my problem. I can deal with this. Can't I?

I looked at Barbra occasionally to see if she was looking at me but either she was sneaky about it or she didn't look. I shouldn't have told her yet.

We come to the main road that leads to our school. It was filled with noise. Beeping cars, people shouting… This was the real Gotham. Barbra and I made our way through the noise and to the school gates. We just passed into school when suddenly my legs are pulled from under me and I fall to the floor with an oomph.

"Hey circus boy?" said a mocking voice behind me. "What you doing on the floor?"

I didn't reply as Barbra knelt down to my height.  
"Are you okay?" she asked me a worried look in her eyes.  
"Hey babes, don't talk to circus freak" the mocking voice was none other than the school bully… Elliot Mason.  
"I can talk to whoever I like." She said bravely.  
"Really," Mason said as he nodded at her. Another school boy of masons' gang grabbed Barbra by her arm.

I get up but masons big foot pushes down on my chest.  
"Awe is circus boy trying to protect his girlfriend" he said sarcastically.  
"Get off of me!" I hear Barbra say.  
"Ill only let you go if circus boy does one thing for me…" he said.  
"No don't do anything for him" she said again.

With all the shit I got from the team and now here I just want to go home.

"Well…" he asked, pressing his foot on my cheat down harder.

"In the secretary's office there's a stash of money in the draw with G.S written on it. Get it to me by lunch or someone will pay." He said pointing at Barbra.

This was an inconvenience. Mason and his gang were in all of our classes until lunch.

They always do this… bully me into doing things. I've never gotten caught as long as Mason gets what he wants. This time he wants money, supposedly for drugs. Last time it was his phone back and the time before that was a picture of the girls in the changing rooms. I didn't do that one but I got beat up in front of the school and that's when Barbra asked me out. Then they started using her to get to me. You can just tell there going to be the criminals of Gotham one day.

They leave me alone on the floor taking Barbra with them. I get up and with everyone looking at me I walk into the gates at school.

Half way down the corridor I hear whispers. Fuck! I am about to turn down the corridor when a voice calls me.  
"Grayson!" she shouted. Shit.  
"Crock?" I say as I turn around.  
"What was that out there dick?" she asks looking at me with worry. I don't think I can trust her anymore.  
"Just Mason having a punch at his favourite punching bag" I say back.  
"No it wasn't just his punching bag that got hit…" I try and walk away but he hand grabs the arm I cut and pulls me back.

"Ouch!" I cry.  
"I'm sorry but dick… Barbra got beat up…"  
"Follow me" I say running down the corridor.  
"Where are we going?" she asks me.  
"Secretary's office." I shout back.  
"You're giving him what he wants?!" she shouts  
"No… Not exactly."

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**A/N:**

**Hope you liked it… next chappy soon I hope. **

**The Review I am responding to….**

**KK ****\- no! My little Robin! Kid Flash is terrible with him... oh eh... I'm Kazua Koizumi (my nickname...), I'm italian. If you don't understand anything in this review, remember I'm italian... Ok. After presentations... the true review: How can Wally think it about his best friend? He's a MONSTER. I like him in the series... but... ehm... here he is bad and evil. Poor Robin! *crying emoticon - T.T* You're very good (well ..?) at writing! I think you're very imaginative. What's your source of inspiration? Applause for /to (oooh, my english is terrible...) VampireShot113! – **_Thank you and I wanted to see wally in a different light. And I don't really know where I got my inspiration from… I think it was because in school we did a GCSE Expressive arts course and one of the topics/Units was conflict… we were both big on inner conflict and so I was like… so yea this began…. _


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:**

**Back again, you can expect maybe more chapters because I have a holiday now…**

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We reach the secretary's office and there's no one in there.  
"Artemis can you keep an eye out and if anyone comes…"  
"Distract them?" she finishes my sentence.  
"Yea…"  
"Okay." She says as I go inside. I immediately go to the draw labelled G.S. no idea what it stands for but I open it. It's unlocked?! Great!

Inside the draw there was a blue money tin. I lift it out and open it. It's locked! God I only have a few minutes before the bell. I rummage around in the desk for the keys when an ear splitting sound rings through the room. At first I think it's an alarm but it's the fire bell. Artemis… she mustn't have been able to distract her enough. I rummage some more until it's where about came to mind.

I turn the money box upside down and there underneath is a key. Sellotaped to the bottom of the tin. I rip it off and open the tin. I take all the money… I can get it back by tomorrow.

I lock the tin put the key back underneath and leave the room. Everyone has just started to come back in so I head off to my first class.

English Literature… I hate it and as if on cue Mason and his gang walk round the corridor wit Barbra. She has been crying and there is a slight bruise on her chin. I walk up to them.  
"Well…?" Mason asks.  
"I have it…" I say.  
"So where is it!?" He asks angrily.  
"You can have it on one condition…"  
"I'll be making the conditions around here, Freak" he spits in my face.  
"Yes but this one is a good one." I say back.  
"I'm listening" he says.  
"You can have all the money if you leave me and Barbra alone…" I say  
"Mmmm" he hums.  
"Or you can have half the money…"  
"Mmmm" he hums again.  
"So it's either All of the money and more Drugs or Less money and a Punching bag?" I demand.  
"Counter Condition," he says. "Give me all the money and I leave Babes alone… Give me half ill beat the pair of you up!"

"Argh…" I sigh and I give his all of the money.  
"That Babes out of the picture," He says as his gang let he go. She run towards me and I embrace her in a hug. "But…"  
"But Nothing" I say  
"Better make sure he hasn't got any money for himself."  
"No!" Barbra cry's but she get punches to the floor as they start to hit me."

I hear Wally in my head. "Give up you pathetic human" a tear slides from my eye as I give up and I close my eyes. I let them punch, kick and spit at me.  
"Stop!" said a firm voice. "I said stop!"

The beating stops. And I open my eyes. Artemis… Artemis is in the Grade Above and a popular.

"What gives you the right to hit on him?" she screams "Answer me!"  
"He… He…"  
"He nothing. How would you like it if someone bugger than you did this. Huh? You wouldn't like it."  
"N-n-no" Mason stutters. If it's anyone Masons scared of its Artemis.  
"Scram!" she screams and Mason and his gang run off faster than a cat from a dog.

The bell for class rings and the corridors become full with people. Barbra sits me up and I just stare at the floor. Tears fill my eyes.  
"You okay Grayson?" Artemis asks me.

"Dick," I hear a muffled voice "are you okay?"

No I'm not okay… I need help…

Before anyone can react I slump the floor.  
"Someone Get Mrs Denings!" Artemis Shouts.  
"Dick!"  
_help! _

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**A/N: **

**Yea… hope you liked it…**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **

**Update! Yippee!**

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Regaining consciousness is the worst thing about passing out. Your head aches like hell. You'd think of how many times I've passed out I should be used to it but I'm not.

"Dick?" a gentle voice speaks out. I open my eyes and Barbra sitting next to me. Her eyes are full with worry and concern. I _hate_ it when she looks at me like this.

It takes me a while to register I am still in school. In the medical room. Lay out on the couch with a pillow propped under my head and an ice pack on my forehead.

I take the icepack off as I go to sit up but Barbra pushes me back down gently.

"Don't sit up" she said leaving her hand on my chest.

"What happened?" some voice askes from the corner of the room. Artemis. How did I not see her before?

"I just felt dizzy." I say sitting up even though Barbra tries to push me down but I refuse to be pushed back down.  
"Whatever," Artemis says "Why did you do that? It was stupid."

"I know," I say feeling Deja vu. "I know but if I didn't he will keep coming back"

"He'll come back anyway!" she says standing up with closed fists.

The room is left in an awkward silence as I sit there and stare at the floor. Yes, I made a _stupid_ mistake but he was going to hurt Barbra if I didn't do it.

It's only a moment after when Barbra breaks the silence.

"Bruce is here" she says so quietly it's close to a whisper.

"Is he?" I say back fast. I look up at her with panic in my eyes.

"Yea," Artemis says "He's talking to the head"

"What?" I say "Why?"

"I told them Elliot-" Barbra whispers.

"No!" I sigh putting my head in my hands.

"I had to" she says.

"You had no right to tell Bruce!" I shout at her losing my cool.

"Yes I did!" she shouted back "He beat you and me up Dick! I had the right!"

"I could have told him!" I shout back.

"Dick you don't tell him anything!" she shouts back.

"I do!" I shout. I knew I was wrong but I'm stubborn.

"No you don't!" she replies.

"Yes I-" I stop. I don't tell Bruce anything. Elliot's been bullying me for years and I haven't said a word to Bruce. It started with small thing like take dinner money from kids or let him use me as a punching bag. Then the drugs started and he needed money bad.

"I don't" I whisper, tears forming in my eyes.

"Dick, I'm sorry." Barbra says.

"He's right I am a pathetic liar."

"Wa-" Artemis starts but she is interrupted with a knock on the door. The door opens and Bruce is there.

"Miss crock, Barbra can you give us a minuet." He says.

"Yes Mr Wayne" Artemis says leaving the room. Barbra stays in her seat.

"Barbra please" he asks again. She signs and stands up.

"I'll wait outside" she says leaving the room.

Bruce stares at me for a few seconds. He looks like he is either about to hug me or kill me. I hope he kills me; I can't handle any more sympathy.

"What happened Dick? Thought everything was fine" he says sitting down where Barbra was sat and placing his hand on my knee.

"I-I didn't think I could tell you about this" I say looking at the floor.

"You can tell me anything" he says.

"He made me do it," I say "He… hurts Barbra if I don't" I say tears forming in my eyes.

"I know that dick but you should have said something to Me." he says putting a hand on my knee.

"I know that," I say a tear sliding sown my face "I didn't know how you'd react."

"I wouldn't have been disappointed in you," he says "I'm not now"  
"You are" I say

"I'm not," he reassures me "I'm saddened that you would think I would be disappointed in you for asking for help"

"I'm sorry" I start to sob. Bruce pulls me into a hug.

"Dick Its okay" he says in my ear.

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**A/N:**

**Yay! Update!**

**A N D **

** X**

**M E **

**I F **

**Y O U**

**H A V E**

**A N Y**

** ! !**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **

**Hey so I've been told constantly about my spelling and I'm ever so sorry about this from now on I will re-read my chapters over and over again. And they may be longer… I'm trying guys I really am! ...**

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Bruce took me home to the manor after speaking with the head teacher about what happened. She said that Mason was expelled and that the money I stole would have to be repaid by Mason. Bruce said he was more than okay to give the money I stole back. However the school didn't accept.

I get the rest of today and tomorrow to 'recover'.

As I stepped into the manor it didn't feel like home anymore, more like a prison. Its darkness was no longer comforting nor its silence inviting. I didn't feel right here.

I was just about to walk up the stairs when Bruce stopped me.  
"You don't have to tell me what wrong until you're ready," He said. "But I'm not having you mope in your room all day"  
"So where and I going?" I asked  
"To the cave with me," he said. I felt a punch like force in my gut. "To solve that case."  
"Can't we do it here?" I ask  
"Don't you want to see the team?" He asks me. _No!_  
"It's not that I don't want to see them," I lie. "It's just there disappointed in me for screwing up that mission."  
"They'll get over it" he says "Come on"  
"Fine!" I say as we walk to the bat-cave.

We suit up and zeta beam to the cave. Our names announced at our arrival.

The cave seams empty at first until Megan fly's out of the corridor that leads to the kitchen.  
"Batman! Robin! What brings you here." she says as she lands in front of me."  
"We are going to try and find the guys who got away the other night" I say as we walk into the middle of the room.  
"And who's fault was it that they got away?" said Wally walking into the room. "Oh yea yours" he pointed at me  
"I've said I'm sorry" I said in defence  
"Oh yea, Right" Wally said "You don't like us screwing up but when you do its okay?"  
"No I-" I try to stay but batman stops me.  
"I've said this before and I'll say it again," batman says "Screw ups are a part of the job but when they happen we fix them! You're a team! Stop blaming each other!"  
"Batman's right Wally," Megan says "You need to stop pointing the finger or whatever you guys say on earth. We're a team"  
"Yea right" Wally says as he turns to leave "Teams don't keep secrets"

Batman looks at me confused.  
"I think he's just…" I try to explain but I find I can't  
"He'll get over it" Batman says to me.  
"He might not" I say  
"I'll go and talk to him" Megan says leaving us on our own.

Batman pulls up a hollo computer and opens the file on the case we lost- No… I lost.  
"Now…" he says as he studies the files.  
I stand there and watch and I feel like I'm no use to them anymore.  
"You going to stand there all day or are you going to help me?" batman says turning to face me. I walk up to him and start studying the case.

We work on it for a few hours before batman calls the league to handle the case further. Meaning bringing them in.

"Ready to go home?" he asks me.  
"In a sec," I say shutting down my holo-computers. "Just need to go to the toilet."  
"Okay," batman says shutting down his holo-computers. "Don't be too long."

I walk off down the corridor to the toilets but on my way there Wally stops me in my tracks.  
"Wally," I say "Leave me alone."  
"No!" he shouts "Not till you stop being a bat boy!"  
"What do you mean?" I ask giving him a questioning look.  
"Getting extra credit from batman helping him solve the case that _you_ lost!" he says jabbing a finger into my chest on my robin sigh.  
"What!" I shout back "You don't think I got enough grief from him after the case!"  
"Not enough apparently!"  
"I've had it with you!" I shout shoving past Wally But he super speeds in front of me.  
"What did you say I don't speak suck up!" he says sarcastically.  
"I said I've had it with you and the team!" I shout back in his face.  
"Then why don't you just leave," he says jabbing a finger in my chest again. "You're not wanted here anyways!" he said jabbing his finger in my chest harder.

That cuts me short. I'm not wanted here am I? No? otherwise I wouldn't be having these dreams, I wouldn't cut, I wouldn't wish that it had been me who fell 4 years ago.

"Batman obviously isn't you parent," Wally said pushing on. "So either you ran away or your parents are dead." He folded his arms together.

I stood there soaking up Wally's insults like a sponge.

"No," he said raising his arm to put under his chin. "I don't think you ran away, I think they gave you up."

I couldn't move, listening to Wally talk about my parent like that hurt.

"Did poor little Robby poo get given up? Or did he lose his parents?" he said looking me in the eye as I just stared at him. "Either way I don't feel sorry for your little secret."

"Robin!" batman shouted from the mission's room "We need to go!"  
"Saved by the bat again are we?" he said. He lent in close so his mouth was level with my ear. "Don't think this is over." He jabbed me in the chest once again before walking off back to the kitchen.

I'm going to kill him.

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**A/N:**

**Hope you liked it**

**R&amp;R PLEASE! **

**~~VS13 OUT!~~**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **

**Before I begin a big shout out to my new beta/ proof reader, 3DPhantom, for reading through this chapter. Now let's get on with it XD **

**Chapter 11:**

When we get back to the manor, I walk into the changing room and change into my civilian clothes. I have to be careful; I cannot let Bruce walk in and see my cuts. A few minutes later and I am walking out of the changing room. Bruce doesn't say anything to me; he simply goes back to the case file he has pulled up on the bat-computer, so I walk upstairs and into the inviting darkness of the manor.

Walking through the dark corridors today doesn't sooth me as it normally does. Wally's words don't leave my mind as I wander through the manor. The portraits that line the walls don't normally make me feel uncomfortable, but today I can't help but feel as if they're watching me. J_udging_ me…

'_They're just pictures,'_ I think to myself…

When I get into my room, I immediately change into some sweat pants and a long sleeved top. I climb into my neatly made bed and put my phone to charge. Putting my head to the pillow, I sigh. Wally's words won't leave my head. I can still feel his finger prodding my chest.

"_Then why don't you just leave; you're not wanted here anyways!" _Wally's words echo in my mind…

"_Either way I don't feel sorry for your little secret…" _

Thoughts of Wally's and mines conversation swim in my mind as I fall into a disturbed sleep…

….

_I'm back in the circus; the night of my parent's death. They are about to jump onto the trapeze…_

"_No!" I scream. I don't want this to happen again! They're doing their act as tears well up in my eyes. They are swinging back towards me, my mother's arms outstretched towards me… The sound of a rope snapping is all I hear before she screams my name…_

_Everything seems to fall into slow motion._

_Unexpectedly, out of nowhere, Wally appears beside me…_

"_Did poor little Robby lose his parents?" He asks mockingly. "They were probably glad as they were falling to their deaths! They were probably glad that they got away from you! Either way, I don't feel sorry for you. You deserve this for all the secrets you keep! You should have died that night…" _

_Just as my parents hit the floor, Wally pushes me off the podium; I am soon engulfed in darkness… _

_I find myself falling forever as insults are shouted at me:_

"_Pathetic!"  
_

"_Weakling!"  
_

"_Idiot!"  
_

"_Orphan!"  
_

_I hear my name being shouted as the darkness fades and a bright light hits me…_

….

"Dick!" I hear a man shouting.

"Dick, wake up!"

I bolt awake, only to see Bruce looming over me. The once neat bed was now a complete mess, my duvet half on the floor and my pillows all over the place. My head feels damp with cold sweat and tears form in my eyes, no matter how much I want to will them away. I hadn't realised it before, but apparently I'm panting heavily…

"You okay, Dickie-Bird?" Bruce asks me, sitting down on the bed next to me. I nod, but the tears still fall out of my eyes and down my cheeks. Bruce pulls me into a tight embrace and I cry into his chest, clinging to his shirt.

"Nightmare?" Bruce says gently into my ear. I nod violently, sobbing my heart out and wishing that I could just _stop_.

We sit like this for a few minutes before it finally ends, the tears leaving dry streaks down my face. 

"How long have you been having nightmares for? I thought they'd ended…" Bruce asks me with deep concern. 

"I don't know," I lie. "A couple of weeks?" 

"What are they about?" He asks. 

"My parents." I half-lie. 

"I can start giving you sleeping pills again tomorrow, if you want me to…"

I nod and pull away from him. "Can I sleep in your room tonight?" I ask shyly. 

"Of course, Dicky-Bird!" He says, picking me up and carrying me out of my room. We head down the corridor and into his master bedroom. He puts me onto the bed and I creep under the covers, enjoying he warmth he's left behind.

"I have some more work to do, Dicky, so you'll have to sleep whilst I'm finishing up," he says. I nod as he sits at his desk.

I lay my head down onto the soft pillow; I wish I could spend every night in Bruce's bed like I did when I first came here, but I'm older now, and Bruce only lets me seep in his room when I have a nightmare about my parents. I guess he feels sorry for me, maybe…

I don't ask for his sympathy, but I always get it anyways. Wally is right about one thing…

I _am_ a Bat-Brat….

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**A/N: **

**Hope you guys like it. **

**Please R&amp;R! **

**~~VS14 OUT!~~ **

**(Bit of a name change, 13 to 14 It's not my age don't panic, It's my Sisters age (who I write for!))**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

***TRIGGER WARNING***

A few weeks pass and I haven't really seen much of the team. I've been having better night's sleep and Bruce has even let me go on an early night patrols. The sleeping pills have been _great_ at delivering dreamless sleeps.

Bruce says I need to stop taking them soon because I might get addicted to them. _Addicted? Me? No!_ I really don't want to stop taking them and get Wally back in my head at night.

I returned back to school and everything was going fine until mason walked back through the school gates. Barbra gripped my hand as he walked to his group of friends.

"What are you doing back here?" A friend said greeting him. They were high fiving him and man hugging him, like he was some hero. _Oh please._

"Thought you were expelled Mason?" Another asked.

"No other school would accept me so I have to come back here on a 'Trial period'" He said making quotation marks with his fingers.

"Great," Said a voice from behind us making me jump. "That's one Dickhead I'll have to sort out again" Barbra turned to face the voice, still holding my hand.

"Artemis," She said "Haven't seen you around lately."

"Yeah," She said as I turned around to face her. "someone snitched on me. Told the school I pulled the fire alarm. I've had detention for two weeks"

"Harsh," I said "Should have gotten me to tell them I was the reason you pulled the alarm"

"Nah," she said "Didn't want to snitch on you." I nod as the bell rings.

The day seems to be going fine until I get into a class that has Mason in it. _Great._

I sit down at my space as Mason walks up to me. My heart beats fast and my palms get super sweaty.

"Lunch time," He says quietly "The Freshman quad. We have unfinished business." _Great._ And there's _no_ escaping this. I have lunch after this lesson.

All through the lesson I could feel Masons eyes bearing into my back. I was going to turn around but I didn't want to get even more of a beating I had already gotten. I sat there awkwardly, staring at the board and pretending to listen to what the teacher was saying.

A paper ball hit my back and I spun around. Mason pointed at the paper on the flop so I picked it up. Unravelling it, I notice he's wrote on it.

'_Come alone freak!' _

_Fuck!_ I sigh and stuff the paper into my pocket. I start doodling in my book. Mainly black swirls and just random lines. I sigh again and put my head in my hands.

The lesson soon went by and I went to where Mason said to go immediately. Best to get this over with than have a bigger beating by letting it slide. I stop just as I leave the building. Mason was there waiting for me with his group of friends. Shaking suddenly, I step out of the building and into the sunlight. Mason immediately notices me.

Ah," Mason said advancing on me "Circus boy"

"Mason" I say trying to sound strong but failing miserably.

"You snitched on me you little freak!" Mason said swinging a punch at me. I tried to duck but his fist punched me in the eye. I stumble back a few steps. Actually it wasn't me who snitched it was Barbra. But I can't get her into trouble with him but I know who he's scared of.

"No I didn't," I say to Mason putting my hands up defensively. "It was Artemis" He flinches at the sound of his name.

"How do I know you're not lying to me" he says, advancing on me fast.  
"I was unconscious, I-" I was cut off by him pulling my head up by my hair.

"You're lying" Mason said pulling me to face him.

"I'm not!" I say gritting my teeth. "Ask Artemis" I can feel him mentally shaking his head. The fear in his eyes shows it all.

"You're a freak who doesn't belong here." He says as his face morphs into Wally's. "And Freaks deserve to die" He knees me in the stomach Knocking the wind out of me as I give a pained gap.

I sink to the floor grasping my stomach. Him and his friends shout abuse at me. Mason chants Freak and others chant other things like "Posh boy" and "Pathetic". Masons still chanting as he kicks me in various different places.

I curl up into a ball when I hear someone shout above the crowds.  
"Back off!" It's Artemis.

Mason can't scramble away fast enough as Artemis has him in a headlock. She tightens her grip around his neck and he's struggling for breath. "Lay of off him or I'll do more than strange you!"

He's frantically nodding and turning slightly purple. Artemis lets him go and he scrambles away practically crying. I hadn't noticed it but there were tears forming in my eyes. She helps me up as I hear another female shouting my name.

"Dick!" I hear her shout "Oh my god, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Barbra" I say as she pulls me into a hug and squeezes me. I wince as the grip she has on me catches my ribs.

"Sorry" she said pulling away. "Oh Dick"

She pulls out a tissue from her pocket and holds it up to my nose. She pulled it away and Crimson covered it. I take the tissue from her and dab my nose.

"Your eye's going to bruise" Artemis said. "I saw him punch you."

"Why didn't you come over before he did this." I said pointing at my bloody nose.

"I would have but my arsehole friends wouldn't let me." She said pointing to her group of friends who were sat under a blossom tree. There were pointing and laughing at me.

"You need to get cleaned up before lessons start" Barbra said.

"I'll go to the toilets"

I'll come" Barbra said. That sounded weird but I remembered the school has unisex toilets. Bad idea because seniors used them to bang each other senseless.

"No," I said, folding the bloody tissue up and repositioning it under my nose. "I'll be fine."

She nodded as I backed away. I walked away trying to cover up my nose as I was getting stared at as I walked through the corridor. I Felt uncomfortable under everyone's gaze.

***Trigger warning**Do not read if you don't want to be triggered****

Once in the toilet I ran the tap and blocked up the plug hole. I let my blood drip down into the sink, sending the water in the sink a lovely shade of crimson. My nose wouldn't stop bleeding and was getting annoying. Finally, it stopped and I cleaned it properly.

There was no one in here and I felt the urge to cut. I punched the mirror in front of me and it shattered. I winced as my knuckle starts bleeding. I ignore it and pick up a piece of glass and pulled up my sleeve. I drew a word into my skin.

'PATHETIC'

It would remind me of how weak and pathetic I am. It bled and I washed it in the sink that had my nose blood in it. Once it stopped bleeding I pulled down my shirt and blazer sleeve. I tossed the broken glass I used into the bin beside me. I looked up into the shattered mirror and noticed my lip was split. Not bleeding but split. I run my knuckle under the tap and wash the blood away.

The door to the toilets opened and I saw the blonde haired girl walk in.

"God man," She said "You look like hell warmed over." I chuckle a little.  
"Feel like it to" I say.  
"God is that all the blood from your nose?" Artemis asked looking at the crimson stained water.  
"Yeah" I lied looking down at it.

"Seniors broke the mirror?" Artemis asked me.  
"Probably banging each other too hard to realise." I laugh at my own lie.  
"Yea," She laughed before looking down to what I thought was the floor. "Is your arm bleeding?" She said. I followed her gaze down to my arm. There were a few specks of blood running down my hand. Shit.

My blazer was getting small specks of red on it and it was getting worse by the second.  
"No," I lie "It's from my nosebleed."  
"That's no blood from a nose bleed" she says gripping my arm and I wince loudly. He fingers dug into my cut as she yanked my arm towards her. I give out an involuntary yell as I try and pull it from her grip, but she's just too strong.  
"Artemis no!"

…

…

…


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

"What the fuck!" She yells as I tug my arm from her.

"It's nothing" I say Running my arm under the tap. You couldn't see the writing until the water washed the blood away.

"This isn't noting dick!" She says. She grabs some tissue and helps me clean up my arm. She gasps when she sees the word. "Why?"

"Because I am" I say quietly. "Everyone says I am"

"No," She says looking me in the eye but I look at the floor. "Only Mason and his gang."

"And-" I almost slip.

"And who?"

"No one" I say quickly lying.

"Who?" She asked again but this sound more like a demand.

"No one!" I shout looking her in the eye. She nods and sighs.

"You need to tell someone abut thi-" she starts but I cut her off.

"No!" I shout and she flinches. "Sorry Artemis but I'm fine"

"At least tell Barbra" She says.

"No," I say as tears well in my eyes. "She'll hate me."

"She won't" Artemis says putting a hand on my bad shoulder and I wince. She pulls her hand away and looks at me. "Have you cut there too?" She sounds disappointed but I nod as I let my tears slip.

"You need to tell someone if it's been going on this long" Artemis says again.

"No," I say "It's only been this once I've done it this bad. On my shoulder it isn't that deep."

"Let me see?" This is less of a question and more like and order. I hesitate before shaking my head. She doesn't need to see.

"Dick," She said sternly. "Let me see" I nod slowly and slip out of my blazer, hang it over the radiator. I look up at her and she gives me a stern look. I slowly roll my sleeve up. Luckily I was wearing a shirt that the sleeve only went to my elbows. I hear her sigh; I don't know whether it is in relief or shock. I look from her and down to my shoulder. The three long cuts aren't that bad, like I said, but she goes to touch them. She looks at me and I nod.

Her fingers run gently over the cuts feeling the bumps they made on my skin.  
"They're going to scar" She says to me.

"I know" is all I can say before rolling my sleeve back down quickly, catching her fingers under it as she pulls them away.

"Why won't you tell someone?" She says softly.

"Because I can handle myself," I say Snapping at her slightly. "And if Bruce sees them he won't let me do half of things he lets me do."  
"Like what?" She says crossing her arms.

"Letting me have privacy," I say "Letting me have my own space. If he knew he'd get over protective all over again."

"Again?" She asks raising an eyebrow.

"Doesn't matter now" I say turning back to the shattered mirror.  
"Fine," She says raising her hands "But do it again and I will tell someone" I nod, looking down into the water, as we clean up my arm.

After my arm is clean Artemis says to wait in the toilet. I don't know why but I don't question her. It's been about 5 minutes after she returned with a couple of bandages in her hand.  
"They leave the medical office unlocked all the time." She says and I nod at her.

She gripped my arm gently and started to bandage it up. I winced a few times as the bandage rubbed the cuts a little. Every time I do Artemis just sighs. Once she finished my arm was bandaged from wrist to elbow.

"Thanks," I say as she rips the baggage and tucks it into itself. "I don't really know why I did it."  
"It's okay," She says "I don't either but as long as you don't do it again"

I put my blazer on and go to walk out but Artemis stops me.  
"There's a lot of blood on your blazer." She points out the blood stain on the bottom of my sleeve.  
"I'll just say it was from my nose." I say as we walk out of the toilets.

Barbra is walking down the hallway towards us and I give Artemis a quick glance. She nodded to say she understood. Barbra walked up to me and hugged me, rubbing against my arm and I wince. She pulls away fast and looks at me.

"My ribs," I say looking from her to Barbra. "Mason kept kicking them" she nods and hugs me again but not as tight. Artemis is shaking her head at me when I look at he and she mimes.  
"You need to tell her" I shake my head and give her a serious look. When Barbra pulled away I grabbed her hand and interlocked our fingers.

"I'd better be getting back to my friends," Artemis said "If Mason gives you any trouble send him my way" she says walking down the corridor.  
"Will do!" I shout after her.

"Look at you!" Barbra says looking at my eye. She hesitates to touch it but I nod so she can. "That's going to bruise, Bruce will ask questions"  
"And I'll tell him I walked into an open locker or something," I say leading her to our next class as the bell rings. "I'm a good liar"  
"Yes you are babes"

_I am_

…

…

…


	14. AN

THIS ISNT A CHAP UPDATE THIS IS JUST AN APOLOGY!

Ik my chapter has been really over due, I am so sorry about this. I have uploaded tho, finally.

my computer has a massive hissy fit and most my documents got deleted. then there is my struggle with depression which has left me with no motivation to write but today I was like ill write this chapter. I don't want sympathy believe me I hate it.

I'm gonna try and keep on top of chapter updates but as I am inching closer to exam season I will be putting revision first.

also my Microsoft word has been corrupt so it will take a while to get it back but I will write when I can.

thanks for the story support and I hope I don't keep you guys too long at waiting.

have a happy 2017 guys

VS14


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

I _Cleverly _decided to walk home from school as I didn't want Alfred to see my eye or the blood that stains my blazer arm. He would only question me and categorically tell Bruce; which _wouldn't _be good at all.

When I get to the manor I walk quickly straight up to my room, which I swear I ran a little when I heard a noise, and locked my door behind me. I _really _don't want anyone to walk in on me changing. I strip off my school uniform and change into some sweatpants. I pull the spare bandaged Artemis gave me out of my bag and I walk into the bathroom.

I walk up to the sink and look at myself in the mirror. My eye was already starting to bruise, it had a noticeable blue tint to it which I was sure was going to turn black at some point, and there was a little blood still resting in my nose that I could easily take care of. I look down at my bandaged arm and sigh.

I begin to unravel the bandage and stare at the big bloody letters carved into my arm. I run my fingers over the letters but my nail catches the edge of a scab and I wince as a jolt of pain shoots through my arm. A river of blood is soon pouring out of my arm and I just stare at it whilst it runs down my arm; like a deer in a car's headlight's. I snap myself out of my trance and run the tap. I rinse the blood away until I think the bleeding has stopped. I sigh and rebandage my arm. I seem to be going around in circles. All the time. Just seems to never get better.

I exit my bathroom and pull a long-sleeved shirt from my dresser. I need to sort this_ hell_ of a mess out.

I walk down to the bat cave and Bruce is there. He's sat at the computer looking at case files. His face is dead straight so I'm guessing it's an important case. Not that all our cases aren't important, because they are.

"Can I go to the cave?" I ask him as I walk up beside him. "I want to see the team."

He doesn't turn away from his screen just gives a stern nod.

I go and get changed into my robin costume behind the curtain.

I walk up to the zeda beam and pick up my mask off the side. I enter in the co-ordinates and the yellow light of the teleporter soon engulfs me.

I materialise in the cave and it is dead quiet.

I walk around for a bit until I hear kaldur's voice coming from the lounge.

"Your actions have been completely irresponsible for the past couple of days Wally."

I decide to stay at the corner to the lounge room. I want to hear what kid _dufus _says.

"I'm only saying what everyone thinks" I hear him say "We don't know anything about that brat. I mean why does he get to know _everything_ about us and we don't know a single thing about him?"

"You have a point," Kaldur returns "But that was Batman's decision. You can't blame this all on Robin. He may want to tell us everything but he couldn't because it's not what batman wanted."

"Then why doesn't he talk to batman," He says "Or better off take his secrets to the grave and kill himself"

That's it!

I step out into the lounge.

"Wally, do you really think that?" I ask angrily.

"Yes, I do. We were supposed to be a team. Teams don't have secrets." He says folding his arms.

"It's not my choice wally." I say my voice slightly breaking.

"We know that Robin," Kaldur says "Wally is just over reacting"

"Is he though?" I say relaxing my muscles and looking down. "I'd be pretty sick of it too if someone kept secrets from me"

"Robin-" Kaldur says.

"I guess your right wally. I should take my secrets to the grave."

I walk out of the room and kaldur is calling me to come back but I don't want to talk. I go to the infirmary and grab some sleeping pills from one of the draws.

"Robin?" I jump. Its Artemis. "What are you doing?"

I walk past her and out of the infirmary wing.

"Robin!" she calls

I start to run. I shove the pills into my belt.

I get to the hanger and jump onto my bike. I start the bike and open the hanger door.

"Robin, wait!" Kaldur and Artemis shout as the around the corner.

Too late though.

What's done is done.

I will take my secrets to the grave.

Thank you, Wally.

…

…

…

**a/n – **

**I'm sorry I haven't written a lot lately. My depression has gotten me down but I am trying to update as regular as possible. **

**Don't forget to R&amp;R. **

**~VS14~**


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: _**TRIGGER WARNING – TRIGGER WARNING**_

_Over these past few weeks my mood has been dragged down by someone who I thought was my friend. My past struggles and the struggles of the present day have become too much for me to handle. I doubt anyone would be upset if I were dead; I know I wouldn't be. _

_But Bruce…_

_What about him… he loved me and took me in; taught me to be strong. But after everything I've been through this has been the worst to bare. _

_I've been tortured, gased, drowned, whipped, cut until I passed out from blood-loss; nothing has been as bad as the mental torment that has followed me through these past few weeks. _

_At the stroke of midnight, I will end my life and I will finally be with my parents once again. I will be reunited with my loved ones on the anniversary of their death. That's how it should be. Their little robin returning to them after long years of torment. _

_So, whoever may read this, whoever may care, just know I am now free and I can finally be happy. _

_Signed Robin._

I put the pencil down from the paper and let my eyes read over it once again. I've been hidden for about 4 hours now.

Its dark and cold but I'm here now. I'm ready.

It's only a few more hours till midnight and find myself troubled on what to do. I stand up from the box I was sat under.

I ditched my bike on the other side of Gotham in the river along with my belt. Batman will find me. I know he will sooner or later. That's why I must keep moving. I hate to keep going so that I leave no trace I was here.

There's only one place I wish to go and that is six feet under with my mom and dad.

Ill deliver the note to Barbra and go to my parent's grave. It ends tonight.

I'm stood outside Barbra's house. It's now raining and I'm drenched and cold. So, cold.

I push the note through the letter box and run up a tree ad into the darkness.

I look back and I see a shadow go to the door. Moments later I see her bedroom light flicker on. She's stood there reading the letter.

Shock covers her face and tears stream down her face. She sits on her bed and sobs so hard I can see her shoulders shaking.

I haven't realised but tears are streaking down my face now.

I can't leave her, can I? is it really what I want.

Yes, it is; or I wouldn't be sat here now.

I turn away and head to the graveyard. It's so close to midnight that I can already hear my parent's voices calling me.

They are getting louder and louder until I realise those aren't my parent's voices.

Its artemins and Kaldur.

**(TRIGGER WARNING – TRIGGER WARNING)**

I sprint harder and harder pulling the pills from my pocket.

If I take them now by the time I get to my parent's grave, it'll be done.

1… 2… 3… 4… 5… pills and they are getting closer.

5…6…7…8…9…10…11...12…13…14…15 pills and I can hear them behind me.

16…17…18…19…20…21 pills and they seem to have stopped chasing me.

I continue to run and I finally reach my parents grave.

21.. 22.. 23 pills and I fall onto my knees.

I want to throw up but I'm keeping them down.

The rain falls harder on top of me. I sob harder and harder.

I lay down between their graves and curl into a ball.

24 pil-

Something stops me

I open my eyes.

Bruce…

He grabs me and forces my mouth open.

I struggle and scream.

"No!" I cry.

Too late; he has made me chuck up the pills onto the ground beside us. I sob and chuck up harder until my stomach seems empty.

I feel Bruce pull me into him as I sob harder.

"W- why?" I ask through sobs. "Why d-diddnt y-you let-t me-e di-e"

"I can't let you die Dick," Bruce says. His voice breaking slightly. "I can't Lose you." He begins to cry.

I sob into Bruce's chest as he pulls me tighter.

I feel him pick me up and he carries me towards the bat mobile. He sits in the driver's seat with me still in his arms.

He sets the bat mobile to auto piolet to the mountain and we are off.

Why did I do this?

Why?

…

…

…


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

A few weeks after my suicide attempt have passed. I do not leave the mansion much unless it is to go counselling with the Black Canary. I haven't even been to school; Bruce says he sorted it with school and I was given as much time off as I needed to recover.

But will I ever recover? Not many people can attempt suicide and get better at the click of the fingers. Is that what everyone expects from me? I am Batman's son after all.

I spent most of my nights in Bruce's room, either sleeping or working from the emails I get from school. Anti-depressants make me tired so I sleep more than I do work.

I didn't go to the cave or to the mountain. Batman is giving me time to 'heal'. I haven't been on a mission since either.

I haven't seen the team either. I've not been told I can't see them, I just don't have any energy to go anywhere anymore. I want to see them. I want to explain everything. More than that I just want to see wally.

Funny, right? I want to see the person who mostly drove me to suicide.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Bruce entering the room. I'm lay in his bed again and its 2 in the morning. He's probably just finished a mission or something at the cave. _Who knows,_ I haven't been paying much attention to whatever is going on with that side of life anymore.

I make eye contact with Bruce as he comes to sit down next to me.

"How you feeling Dicky Bird?" He says getting into the bed pulling the covers up to his chest.

"Alright," I say. "Mostly bored"

"I know it's only been a couple of weeks since you," he paused looking at me. I looked up at him and nodded "But are you ready to go back to the cave. The team have been asking about you."

"I don't-" I say moving closer to him "I don't know what I want anymore"

"I'm not forcing you to do anything dick. I only want you to do what you want when you're ready." Bruce says laying down so I can put my head on his chest.

"I know. I want to but," I say thinking about the right words to say. I want to see them but I'm also scared. "Will you stay with me the whole time?"

"Of course," Bruce says running a hand through my hair. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I say closing my eyes "Tomorrow"

The next day me and Bruce get ready to go to the mountain. Bruce goes down to the cave to get into his suit while I get dressed into some civies.

I don't want to wear my uniform. Not yet. I'm not ready.

I put on my plain black top with my black jeans and black converse on. Before I put my red hoodie on I examined my cuts. They were healing but from how deep I cut they won't heal totally. I will forever have a reminder of how weak I am.

I pull my hoodie on and then my leather jacket and go down to the cave. It feels weird being in here again. I shrug it off and go towards where batman was stood. He was packing a bag. Of what?

I get to him and he turns to face me. He hands me the bag and I sling it over my shoulder.

"What's in it?" I ask.

"Your meds and some extra stuff I thought we could take." He says

"Okay" I say.

"Ready?" Bruce asks as he puts on his cowl.

"Sure" I say taking my sunglasses off the side and putting them on.

We materialise in the mountain and I feel slightly un easy. Bruce walks forward but I do not follow. Bruce obviously notices this and turns to face me.

"Baby steps" He says, "You don't have to see them straight aw-"

"If I don't do it now I'll never do it" I say walking forward slightly.

"I called the teams mentors ahead. They won't move from the living room so if you just want to walk around we can"

I nod "Okay"

First, we go to the kitchen so I can take some medication with a glass of water.

I lean against the counter while Bruce grabs the glasses and pours the water.

Why am I here? What's the point in being here? At the mountain. What do I tell them? They will have questions.

"Robin?" I'm snapped out of my throughs by Batman. I haven't been called that in ages.

"Sorry" I say taking the water and taking my pill. Bruce watches me closely when I'm around pills. I don't blame him.

"what you thinking about?" Bruce asks.

"Lots of things" I say taking another sip of my water. "Mainly about the team"

"Yeah, you will. It's been a while"

"They will have questions" I say looking at Bruce seriously.

"I know but we will work it through"

"no," I say looking Bruce I the eyes. "I don't want to lie"

"I know," Bruce says to me putting his water down on the counter.

"I want to tell them everything"

…

…

…

**Thanks for reading. **

**Please let me know in the reviews if you think robin should tell them everything. Including his Identity. **

**VS14 OUT**


	18. Another AN

A/N

Ik not an update but this is a little let know that I am halfway through my exams.

I am focusing on studying atm so I cannot write.

My last exam is the 23rd of june so I expect to be updating from then onwards.

Thanks for the support guys.

VS14 out!


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